31. Giving and receiving are one and the same!

After my summer break, hello again to my readers, and a warm welcome to anyone who has just joined me in my serial story, based on my journal entries from early 2015. It documents the internal processes that occurred after I made the decision to publish my book GOOD CHOICE – A Soul’s Story.

If you’ve ever stepped out of your comfort zone to follow your heart, and then experienced self doubt and confusing thoughts, then welcome to the club. I hope you’ll have time to go back and read all the posts from the start.

My regular readers will have already figured this out, but if you are visiting my blog for the first time, you might like to know that it has nothing to do with the car I drive, the holidays I take, what I wear or apply to my face. There will be no fashion or skincare advice here, as I’m not writing about the external world. Each post I invite you to join me in my inner world. I’ll be posting roughly once a fortnight.

            So come on in and sit with me.

I’ve got a blazing wood fire going. There’s a plump cream-coloured fabric-covered sofa, and a thick, richly patterned rug on the floor of this room in a grand old house. The sunlight streams in through the cross-pannelled windows. We can hear the birds twittering outside, but in here there’s a hazy stillness, like the laziest Sunday afternoon stretching endlessly before us.

Here are the topics I’ve covered so far:

1. How I came to write this book  
2. Retrieving my hidden manuscript
3. The mind chatter begins  
4. I’ve stepped into Narnia  
5. “I just want an easy life.”
6. Self-love programme
7. My inner male and female
8. My whole self
9. New neural pathways
10. Alone but not alone
11. Meditation / Mindfulness
12. Sitting with Myself
13. Why did I write this blog?
14. Living in the Moment
15. Mind-guy heading for redundancy
16. Self-love programme continues
17. My book – OUT NOW !
18. Feelings Bubble Up
19. Releasing Feelings 101
20. Releasing Emotions – Laugh, Dance, Draw.
21. Releasing Emotions – Let’s Make a List
22. Let it Go, Let it Go
23. Newsflash !
24. This’n’that
25. In the Mirror
26. Book launch!
27. “Creativity alive and well, generations back”
28. Creativity Part 2
29. On my Wavelength
30. Word of Mouth

So, resuming the serial story, this post is based on my journal entry of February 28, 2015:

Do you remember that feeling I had of, ‘I just want to share my writing in the hope that even just one other person will resonate and somehow be affirmed in their journey’ ? Even that has gone now. I wake up in the middle of the night with a new awareness: It’s about simply BEING. Being exactly who I am in fullness, not hiding away and pretending there’s nothing much to me, not waiting for others’ permission or understanding, not censoring myself or holding myself back. That is the help I’m giving myself ! (self-help book indeed!)

March 2, 2015 – I receive an email from my publisher saying the content has been approved, and will now be sent for editorial assessment. This will take a few weeks until I receive notes for the necessary final edit.

March 3, 2015 – Despite my middle-of-the-night insight the other night, I’m aware of a still-lingering feeling of self-doubt about whether this Sharing of My Whole Self is really totally necessary. “GOOD CHOICE” is a kind of parable that is partly based on my life and partly on other lives I’ve observed or imagined. It was originally written purely for my own self help. Can’t I keep it as my secret? I’m really a very private person.

I’m pretty sure I’m not attached to any particular outcome with this project, but it would be wonderful to know that someone, anyone, has resonated with my writings. I’m hoping the person I gave the whole manuscript to will have read it today. So here’s what I’m gradually learning to do: before I go to sleep, I ask for clarity. That’s it. That’s all I do.

March 4, 2015 – Suddenly this morning, there’s a return email from my friend to whom I’d emailed a small portion of my book. I’d almost forgotten that. She says that reading that excerpt more than anything else she has done or heard has cut through everything and made her see that “her pain is actually a privilege”. Seeing all that in writing has given her strength. She feels there is someone else who truly understands, and that we’re all in this together.

So here it is – that one person who has been affirmed and supported by me sharing my story.

That’s it.

That’s enough.

And for that one to be my beautiful friend – I feel so much love for her journey—love, love, love.

There’s a beautiful feeling that giving and receiving are the one thing. By me sharing and giving, I receive blessings, I receive love. There are no words for this. My heart overflows.

P.S. Oh my goodness! I’ve just noticed the DATES on these entries !! Almost a year ago to the day !   Mysterious !