32. Addicted to the peaks and troughs ?

Based on my journal entry of March 6, 2015

I notice that I’m not ‘waiting’ on the next step of the publishing process. I’m just quietly getting on with this blog and the other bits that will be on my website. I must be starting to grow into this idea of being a published author, as it doesn’t seem so foreign now. Gradually telling more trusted people is helping to solidify that in myself.

Every day now is simple, mostly calm, and involves the discipline of mindfulness – constantly retraining my brain to come back to the present moment, the present sensations. I know nothing about the future. I choose not to keep revisiting the past. All I’m doing now is simply being with myself, and asking what I need in every moment.

I’ve become more of a human being now instead of a human doing. (not my words)

I have a slight confession to make here.

It seems a little unremarkable.

I know, I know, I said I wanted an easy life ! (Blog post #5)

I’m reminded of a consultation with a new therapist way back years ago. I was giving someone new a try, as I hadn’t been for a while. At one point in my venting and talking, I genuinely wondered out loud why I kept getting myself into these difficult and challenging situations! She replied, rather insensitively I thought, ‘Oh, but you like a bit of drama, don’t you.’   The shock of her comment left me speechless, but I was obviously not ready to see this in myself.

I certainly didn’t go back to her again!

I briefly mentioned earlier the slight possibility that I may experience a mild tendency to need a series of ‘highs’ or ‘lows’, to keep me interested. I think I called it an addictive thought.

The extreme ups and downs of the roller coaster. It’s a bit like a sugar hit; the peaks and troughs of insulin secretion in my body.

I suspect I may not be alone in this, as it seems to be the basis for every good soap opera, or the evening news!

Can you imagine tuning in to your favourite soapie every night to find that the characters are having a simple, calm day, enjoying the moment and having simple, unremarkably positive conversations with everyone else? Would anyone actually watch such a thing? Wouldn’t they be just aching for the next train wreck, new baby, car crash, engagement, furious family fight, wedding, ambulance chase or hospital emergency? Are there lots of viewers needing the peaks and troughs? Without them, would the sponsors run for the hills?

Probably.